Abusive dating cycle
And if distance is involved he will use the lack of money for why you cannot visit your own family or even call them.
Unfortunately you may find out that he is very close to his family. Usually abusers are extremely jealous and possessive of you, and may question you about how your time is spent and with whom, what was said, and may probe for details about any friend's background.
They will always justify their criticisms of you by making it sound like other people think the same way about you that they do. You think everything is going fine, and then all of a sudden out of no where you are in trouble with him again.
It can be something as simple as "what did you do with my shoes? One woman was in trouble with her abuser because she dared to ask him to "pass the butter" at the dinner table.
And next thing you know he is apologizeing, crying, bringing you gifts, flowers, candy, etc.
And in addition anything that goes wrong in their life is YOUR FAULT and you are the one who has to fix it, because they are perfect in their own eyes, and will never admit that they are not perfect. You will start to notice a pattern of behavior that it predictable. On the good days you think, wow, I am so in love with him, look how nice he is being.
And you tell yourself that maybe you have misjudged him, that maybe you are the one with all the problems, that he has been right all along. And then, ALL OF A SUDDEN when you think things are going smoothly and you are actually starting to feel happy again, he picks a fight, blows up, abuses you verbally, mentally, emotionally, and FINALLY PHYSICALLY, and you get this "sick feeling" you become very fearful and afraid, that THIS TIME he might really hurt you or even could kill you. And in front of the police he is able to control himself, calms down, after just raging seconds before they get there, and they find YOU upset, hysterical, crying, crazy, and YOU come off looking like the one who is out of control, needy, and in need of counseling.
And you buy all these self-help books on how to fix him, not knowing that men like this can never be fixed. But you read and read more and more books, and then you pray to God, not understanding why God won't CHANGE this man who you think you love.
But you don't really know what real love is, because you have never experienced it.